I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Randomize
