It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
