I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
