I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
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