I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
