I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
BRING THE BAGELS
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
