Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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