I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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