I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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