at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
