How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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