Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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