Are we in a gay sports bar?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
