UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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