Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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