fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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