He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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