no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
