I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
