you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
