So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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