do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
