He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
