Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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