So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
