she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
When did angry sex become our thing?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
