I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
