Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
