worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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