Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
