Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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