if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
