I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
