I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
