Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
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