I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
