I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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