I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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