Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
