I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
