Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
