so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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