Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Drunk is not a location!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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