just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
