I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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