What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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