are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
