cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We are two peas in an std pod
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
