His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
