I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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