He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
